Twisted and confused.

I posted this yesterday but deleted it since I felt like it was too personal and negative...but, whatever. Here we go.

I've had this weird feeling for a little while now and as it grows I'm starting to feel physically sick. My music. I had this talk with a guy who's in the industry and he put all these strange thoughts into my head, since then I've been more or less fucked up in my head.

What the HECK am I going to do? I wanna make a career out of this but what kinda choices I should make to make it actually happen. Should I make more commercial music, maybe that's where the money lays. Maybe I should just do something totally different knowing that there's only a tiny little chance that many people will absolutely love it. Otherwise it's gonna be me playing for my mom's pupils for the rest of my miserable life.

Maybe my music IS commercial? Maybe that's just who I happen to be and I should take a full advantage of it. Or maybe I should just relentlessly rape my music and start writing lyrics in Finnish. Okay, that's never gonna happen. Recently I tried to figure out a backing track for my new song and my mind was totally blank. All I came up with was this pathetic shitty four chord piano thingy , which is repeated in every single cheesy Westlife song you could imagine.

There should be more to this. I should be able give more.

Whatever I will end up doing it has to come from the heart. But what the hell I am to do when I don't even know who I am! All I know is that right now I'm only able to think in English. WTF.